Originally, before we ever got engaged we had talked about a destination wedding. At first I wasn't a fan, but then the idea started to grow on me. So when we finally did become engaged, I started to search islands in the Caribbean. Then the idea occurred to me that a fall wedding could very well be possible too. We got engaged in the middle of August, so we had well over a year. I absolutely love the fall and even though it's tough (as a teacher especially) to do the fall, a Columbus Day wedding could definitely work. Well... back in August, I quickly learned how even quicker things book up.
I love fresh air and scenery. So, I was looking for a more rustic chic/winery/indoor-outdoor type of wedding rather than ballroom/country club type of wedding. Since NYC (our hometown) was never part of the plan, I first began looking an hour or so outside of the city. We did find and visited one place that had but only 1 open date to choose from, but John wasn't crazy about it. At the time, I didn't realize how ridiculously hard this was going to be, so I was okay with turning it down. I had to expand my search to every winery/barn/rustic type venue across New York State and Northern Pennsylvania. Nothing. Honestly, I don't like every one that I come across on the Internet. The ones that I do like, well so does everyone else, and they are not available.
So I expanded my search to outside of NYS. I looked at wineries in CA and even outside of Seattle. We never said destination meant Caribbean/tropical only. I've found some beautiful places. The kind of places that fit exactly what I envision, but can't seem to find here in NYS with even the ones I have liked best here. But after much thought, I ruled out a west coast wedding. The reason: time money and planning. I don't want a destination that will take long to get to and I don't want it to cost my guests an arm and leg to get there. Of course these places that I love are rather out there and would just add on additional travel time to our guests who are coming from only 1 of 2 places, NYC or Buffalo.
It was time to expand my search in a different way... season. When I realized that New Year's Eve fell on a Saturday next year, it wasn't difficult to let go of the fall wedding because despite my dislike for NYE, I couldn't help but to fall in love with a NYE wedding. I even opened the door up to a more elegant ballroom venue (a barn ain't cutt'n it in December up here) and we took a weekend to visit my hometown neck of the woods to visit a few venues in Buffalo. Out of 4, there was 1 that would have worked very well with a NYE wedding and it was actually available on that day! However, John was concerned with having a destination wedding in a very cold, grey place in the winter (because it would be a destination for the majority of our guests who would be coming in from NYC).
So then it was back to search the Caribbean again. I decided on Puerto Rico, for a few reasons. 1. It is mountainous and is lush with green. I'm not so much the beach gal. 2. It is one of the easies islands to get to from Buffalo (NYC is easy to most). 3. I've been there before and don't feel completely blind. 4. It's US territory! Love my country! I've found a few places, one that I love! It's in the rainforest and the ceremony looks onto the mountains! I figured we could do the rehearsal dinner on the oceanfront and have the best of both worlds! So since I tried very hard to keep it local and was unsuccessful, I felt relieved and happy to feel like we were getting close to finding a venue. We even have a trip booked to PR for next weekend to check out these places.
But... I am now having a semi-panic attack because I am so upset with having to ask people to pay to come to my wedding. I know that sometimes hotels are needed and there's gas and tolls to pay for when going to a wedding to, I've done it myself. But I mean we're talking flights, days away from home, etc. I don't know, I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it. So much so that I am now back again searching for more local weddings, local meaning western and south western parts of PA and now going back to some of the other venues in NYS that I didn't look at the first 10 times around. I'm very tired of looking for places and now that I am more open to all types of venues and seasons, the summer, fall, and even late winter booked already throughout next year. Or it doesn't accommodate the amount of people we are inviting. Or it's in the middle of nowhere between NYC and Buffalo and I can't help but to wonder why would I have my wedding here?
I've been married before. I do know how this all works. I'm trying to learn from, not mistakes, but from having the knowledge of doing this before of what is really important and what isn't. The guests are important. My guest list is small, but there isn't anyone on my list that I feel that I have to invite. I'm inviting them because I want them there. The only thing that is hard for me is that unless I get married in my hometown or within about an hour radius of it, my grandparents can't come. PR, NYC... doesn't matter and that is hard to swallow.
However, this wedding celebration is about the celebration part. Sound awful? Sound like I lost the true meaning? Well, here's why... After Dale, the idea of marriage scared me. Terrified me. So much so that I would have rather had another child as a single parent rather than marry again. But then I met John. And we moved in together. And the idea was not so scary anymore. Actually, I (we) feel that I don't even really need to marry, in our minds we already are. For me, it was a process to get to this point. It was a struggle and it was triumph to get to the point where I could allow and accept happiness in from another man and to not feel guilty about it and to finally, finally feel comfortable in the shoes of my new life. So the actual wedding part, seems almost silly (almost!). The serious mental and emotional commitment already took place. We do want to make it official, the legality makes it easier.
More than anything, we want to celebrate... John, the guy who never thought he would marry (and to a woman with a child makes it all the more wondrous, lol) and me, the widow who crawled out of the darkness and found both the light and happiness at the end of the tunnel... and we want to do this with the people that matter most to us. John wants it to be bigger than us and I have to agree. We want to bring them together and have the absolute best time, not celebrating us, but happiness. Life. Our families and friends will probably never find themselves in the same room together again, and if they do, it will be for an entirely opposite occasion. :(
It would seem that the venue shouldn't matter much at all when you think about it. The problem is, that is all that I have been thinking about and I still don't know. Even though we are not in a rush to get married, it seems silly to wait 2 years for a venue. But, if I expand my search any more, I truly am going to go crazy! I'm going to go blind for one thing. If someone could just give me a venue, I could make it work. Hint, hint.
I can't be a bridezilla if I have this, right? Hopefully one day I can actually open it up and start planning a wedding.
